It can all happen so fast. One minute your child is just that; a child. And within the space of a week, you start noticing the distinct aroma of peach blossoms as your daughter drifts past you in a skirt so short it should be declared illegal. Or your son starts sculpting his hair into spikes that are sharp enough to pierce a tire. Oh wait! Your mistake! It’s the Bieber-do that’s in fashion now. Spikes were SO 2000! Teenagers and dating. In most cases, teenagers and dating go hand-in-hand. Pun intended. But is your teen really ready to hit the dating highway? There is a big difference between thirTEEN and nineTEEN and as with everything else they seem to do at this age, are they approaching the on-ramp at speeds that will launch them into stratospheric heights of trouble? As a parent, you know your child better than anyone else. And it’s up to you to decide when your teen is ready to handle dating safely and responsibly. So, without further ado, here are some teenagers and dating advice, your son or daughter should demonstrate before you hand over the proverbial keys to their dating independence!

1.    Teenagers and Dating Qualities: Responsibility

Has your son or daughter demonstrated a strong sense of responsibility? If they make a mess, do they tidy up? Do they generally take good care of their possessions? If they have an accident, do they clean it up? Do they tell you about the good and the bad things that happen to them during the course of the day? “I should have studied harder for that test. Next time, I’ll make sure I do.” Or do they blame everything and everyone around them? “Stupid Mr. Miller made the test so hard! He never told us that section on Logarithms was included!”

If you are going to start permitting teenagers and dating in your household, trust this teen dating advice: you sure as sherbet want to know that your kid is capable of taking responsibility, not only for themselves, but for their date too! Bad behavior is born out of irresponsibility. Bad accidents are caused by irresponsible behavior. Now we don’t ever plan accidents, but we can do our best to avoid them. And when it comes to teenagers and dating, you don’t want your precious son or daughter to exit their teen years with anything but the very best of memories. Perhaps the occasional heart break… but nothing else.

2.    Teenagers and Dating Qualities: Trust-worthiness

Do you feel that you can trust your son or daughter to be honest with you? If you tell them to clean up their room before they’re allowed to watch any TV, without your supervision, do you believe they will follow your instructions? Or will they make a mad dash to clean up when they hear the garage door opening when you return from the store? Let’s ask this in the context of teenagers and dating: if you allow your daughter to go on a date with the mutual understanding that you know exactly where she’s going to be, would you trust her not to sneak off somewhere else? Say, somewhere dark and deserted in her date’s car?

The problem here is that there is no way you can really know these things unless (1) you betray your child’s trust and privacy and play a little game of ‘Sherlock Holmes, or (2) something horribly wrong happens and you get a call from the police: “I’m sorry Ma’am, but your daughter and her friend here were found illegally parked in a dangerous area and well…” This teenagers and dating advice is that you will want to avoid either one. So, if you trust your student – and this trust is something that is earned over the years by honest, responsible behavior – then teenagers and dating, here they come!

3.    Teenagers and Dating Qualities: Money, Money, Money

Teenagers and dating: it costs money. And it shouldn’t cost YOU, the parent. If your teen is ready to hit the dating highway, then they’re ready to start earning an income to fund their little expeditions to the movies and the mall. It is perfectly fair for you to explain to your teen that if they want to take their date to a movie, or to a restaurant, then they will need to start earning some money so that they can afford it. This teen dating advice will also teach them some valuable lessons about responsibility and budgeting.

Teen Dating Advice: A Final Note on Teenagers and Dating

If you or your teen need help determining whether or not your teenager is ready to date, then I recommend you download my FREE "Teen Dating Readiness Gauge" on my website. When your son or daughter demonstrates these responsible qualities and is at appropriate age, then chances are they are getting ready to hit the dating highway. However, this teen dating advice is not to say that they are ready to go solo! Teenagers and dating can be like gasoline and a match if not supervised, so maintain an open line of communication with your child and always make sure they have your full emotional support (and discerning eye!)

Thoughts on this story about parenting teens?

Remember – safe teen dating does not happen by accident!

Lisa Jander – The Teen Whisperer

In the book Dater’s Ed, Lisa Jander, the Teen-Whisperer, helps parents teach their teenagers to learn how to “date defensively, navigate safely and steer clear of unhealthy relationships.”    www.DatersEd.com

I was coaching a mom through some teen dating advice and she gave me her thoughts on "The “Morning After Pill” and her advice to share with kids about teen sex. "It is such a great relief to know that our kids can now engage in sex, then simply eliminate the consequences with a mere $25.00 inserted into a vending machine the following day!" REALLY???

As posted in a recent article by Fox News, “The vending machine at Shippensburg University's Etter Health Center that provides Plan B emergency contraceptive pills for $25 was installed after a survey found that 85 percent of student respondents supported it, according to Peter Gigliotti, the university's executive director for communications and marketing. The machine also dispenses condoms and pregnancy tests.”

My head hurts when I realize that this University is including the students’ opinion in the decision about teen sex and whether or not to install the machine. After all, do the students have fully developed healthy adult brains and clearly understand the long-term ramifications of such a decision? They should know; they are well-educated college students, after all. Fox News reports, "Any student who wants to discuss Plan B may do so at any time," Gigliotti's email continued. "In addition, medical information is provided with the Plan B for purchasers to read before its use."

When I was a kid, getting a nickel for a pack of gum from the vending machine was a treat. I felt so grown up when I would take the coin from my dad’s hand, have him lift me up and drop that shiny object into the slot. I remember the tinkling sound of the metal as it worked its way down to the dispenser giving me access to the goods. I would push the dimly lit square button, “D4” and wait in eager anticipation for the chewy goo that rotted my teeth.

If the “powers that be” had polled me and my friends to see if we wanted that vending machine in our Elementary Schools, the response would have been overwhelmingly, “YES!” And, if they provided an opportunity to discuss the damage to my teeth and a picture book with all the pertinent information, I’m sure I would wait patiently in line for both. Poll students for the morning after pill maching for teen sex? Overwhelming…"YES!"

So naturally, I’m excited for the return of the vending machine popularity and all the possibilities it offers regarding teen sex. As I contemplated the options, one new idea that came to mind for teens is the Morning After Voucher for DUI’s. I mean, why not? It would be a great opportunity for anyone over the age of 17 to wipe out the consequences of drunk driving as long as they purchase the voucher within 24 hours of the infraction. Installing these vending machines at every high school as well as on college campuses would really help our babies avoid the consequences that can be so life-altering.

As I read through the article on this debate, I see a clear division in morality, choice, ethics and religious beliefs as a basis for arguing each side. When giving teenage dating advice on the topic of teen sex, it is important to remember the hard evidence on the ability to make good choices at the teen level of brain development. If, as parents, we rely on teens to make their own choices independent of our guidance, how many would clean their room? How many would show up for math class? How many would steer clear of teen sex?

The evidence is in; drunk driving and teen pregnancies are still a problem in our culture. I’m thinking a vending machine is not the solution.

Thoughts on this teen dating advice?

Mama j

In the book Dater’s Ed, Lisa Jander, the Teen-Whisperer, helps parents teach their teenagers to learn how to “date defensively, navigate safely and steer clear of unhealthy relationships.”    www.DatersEd.com